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| Stavanger Bus Station |
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| Dakota with some of his many Norwegian relatives |
Dakota’s father Leif, is Norwegian. His father Jan, traveled to America at age 10 with his parents and sister. Eventually, his parents, Cody’s great-grandparents, returned to their island home in Karmoy, Norway, but Jan remained in the United States, marrying an American girl and starting his own American family. D
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| Dakota with Reidar and Aud Barrett |
Reidar is Jan’s cousin of the same age. In actuality, they were double cousins, meaning their mothers were sisters and their fathers were brothers. Listening to both men’s sentiments, it’s clear they were inseparable as children and grew up like best friends and brothers.
Reidar intimated that he was quite torn up when Jan’s parents took him away from Karmoy. Jan took his sons to Norway for a visit in 1984, when Cody’s father was only 10 years old, and Reidar visited Michigan to stay with Jan’s family about 15 years ago. Cody, who turns 15 today (Jan. 10), has never had a chance to meet his “Uncle Reidar” but, because of the many cherished memories Jan shared with him, he feels a warm connection to his long-distance relative.
On a more selfish note, when Scott won his Fulbright Scholarship, insuring our 5 month stay in Ghana, Cody had a big decision to make for a teenager, and freshman in high school. Would he leave his father, step-mother, small half-siblings and friends, missing most of his freshman year in high school and lacrosse season? Or would he stay home and miss an unprecedented learning opportunity spending a semester on the other side of the world with his mother, step-father and small half-sister. Thankfully, Leif supported the trip and his step-mom bluntly told Cody, “You would be an idiot not to go!” but we all agreed it would be best if Cody had the ultimate say whether he took on the adventure or not.
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| Dakota killing time in the airport |
He had at least 6 months to make his decision to go to Africa or not, and he wavered back and forth, understandably. I was on eggshells for that period of time, and although I know it was irrational, I took his choice very personally and emotionally. When Dakota said he was coming with us, I thought cynically, “Yeah right, we’ll see if he doesn’t chicken out,” and when he declared he was not coming, I was crushed. Poor Scott bore the brunt of my emotional breakdowns, in which I cried, “Cody hates me!” or I screamed, “That little wuss! He is too scared to leave his daddy!” then guilt-ridden and ashamed for despising my own son so much, I withdrew. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism that I wouldn’t allow myself to truly believe Dakota would come with us until the moment he entered the Gerald R Ford International Airport on New Year’s Day. Indeed, even the night before departure, responding to harsh words from Scott, Cody declared, “I don’t HAVE to go with you guys, ya know!” I worked my hardest to keep our relationship peaceful (Scott told me that Cody worried about going to Ghana because, “I don’t know if I can stand living with my mom in a small house for so long”). Cody’s internal conflict seemed to cease one day, when Scott put a trip to Norway on the table, “What would you say if we could visit your family in Norway for a few days before we go to Africa?” To put it simply, that offer sealed the deal. Cody didn’t waver in his decision after that possibility was placed on the table. He would come with us to Africa.
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| One of three train rides between Paris and Frankfurt |
Scott called Cody’s Uncle Reidar to discuss the chances of our visit, and he insisted that we stay with the Olsens while in Norway. Cody asked me, “Isn’t it awkward for you to stay with my dad’s family when you aren’t even with him anymore?” and told his stepmom, “I don’t want them staying at Reidar’s house. That’s my family, not theirs. They can drop me off and go stay in a hotel!” Regardless of his adolescent opinions, we stayed with his family, and it wasn’t awkward in the least. In fact, they not only treated Cody like long-lost, loved family, but they welcomed us in the same way.
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| Elle and I catching some much needed Z's in the airport |
So it made sense to us to use any transportation necessary to travel to the island of Karmoy in Norway so Cody could meet his relatives. We left our Paris hotel in a taxi. We boarded a train to Frankfurt, a four hour ride with one transfer to an identical train. We took another train to the Frankfurt Airport. The flight from Frankfurt to Amsterdam was one and a half hours, but a delay lengthened the time, which forced us to sprint to our connecting plane to Stavanger, Norway. I felt like we were on The Amazing Race, until it occurred to me that the contestants on that show had it a lot easier than we did. I challenge the producers film a season of The Amazing Race in which each of the teams are required to tote along at least one demanding, preschool-age child on all of their challenges. Now that would truly be amazing.
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| I'd like to see the teams on The Amazing Race do it with a toddler! |
The quick connection ultimately resulted in our bags left behind. It was nothing uncommon, though. At one point, because of the number of items we’ve lost, forgotten or stored throughout Europe in the last 6 days, we had a trail of belongings, like breadcrumbs marking our route. Elle’s sippy cup and blanky in Frankfurt, another blanky and 150 Euros cash in Paris, a watch on the train somewhere between Germany and France, and luggage in Frankfurt, Amsterdam and Norway. At least we knew KLM would eventually ship the checked baggage to us, and there’s still a chance Elle’s blankie is in the FUND BURO at Frankfurt Airport.
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| The ferry across the North Sea |
Once in Stavanger, we cabbed it to a hotel for 6 hours of sleep before waking to complete our trip. As I mentioned, Uncle Reidar and the rest of Cody’s family live on an island, so we had to catch a ferry across the North Sea.
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| Look at this monster boat! |
We boarded a bus at 9:45 a.m.. The bus navigated narrow, curvy roads, through dark tunnels beneath the water for miles then onto a gigantic ferry for a 25 minute boat ride to Karmoy, where Uncle Reidar warmly met us, embracing Dakota onsight.
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| Hold your hats folks! She's ablowin' on the North Sea! |
Spending every waking moment together was a mixed blessing for us all. We felt the most secure together but also began to get under each other’s skin. I noticed this most through Elle’s behavior. During the long journey, she began swatting my hand away, pushing and yelling, “THAT”S MINE,” “DON”T TOUCH ME!” and “STOP TOUCHING ME!”
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| Monkey See, Monkey Do. |
The tone of her voice and meanness in her eyes bothered me, and I realized that she was acting out in a way she saw appropriate to the situation. And why else would a 3-year old deem yelling, hitting and dirty looks as appropriate reactions to stressful situations? Because that’s how the adults she trusted most were behaving. Scott, Cody and I had been short and impatient with each other. We had loudly ordered each other around, sighed impatiently and rolled our eyes. No wonder she had begun doing the same. So it happened during this leg of our voyage that Scott, Cody and I made a deal. No matter how nervous or scared or stressed or just plain annoyed we got, we would try to speak nicely to each other, saying please and thank you, and remember that we were playing on the same team.
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| PACK LIGHT! Lesson learned. |
Despite the ridiculous amount of travel and countless transfers hauling three backpacks, two pull-suitcases (including Elle’s purple Disney fairy case), a computer bag, a stroller and a 3 year-old, the days spent with Dakota’s family was priceless. The time and headache to reach Karmoy was worth the beautiful scenery, and the lessons we learned about familial bonds and cultural pride a hundred times over.
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| Approaching View of the Island of Karmoy in Norway (Watch for my next post to hear about our adventures in Karmoy) |
akota has grown up hearing stories of his Norwegian heritage and countless second and third cousins in Norway. One name in particular seemed most important to Jan – Reidar Olsen.
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